i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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