my phone needs a breathalizer
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Randomize
