Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
