I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
