I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
