The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
