nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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