so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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