i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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