Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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