I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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