I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
