So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
