my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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