nut hugger
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
