george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
