yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
