i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
