hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
