there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
