normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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