my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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