singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
