areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
