i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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