It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
