I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
