I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
