We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
