I'm going to jail i love you
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
