Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
