Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
