So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
