So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
