it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
