dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
