Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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