i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
