Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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