sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I don't deserve a penis
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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