how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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