Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
