"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
