our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
