Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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