now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
