It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I didn't notice because vodka
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The cops high fived after they tackled you
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
