I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
