they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
