I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
