My nipple is on Facebook.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i now understand why vodka
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
