I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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