Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
