why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
