omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Randomize
