drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
