Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
